When I was a kid and wanted to ask my parents for something – something I thought was really, really big, like getting to spend the night at a friend’s house or wanting pizza for dinner – I would get all worked up about asking them. I mean, I would fret. I would outline my approach and lay out the whole conversation in my head. And I’d practice in my imagination over and over, all the while building up an incredible pile of anxiety on top of the nerve I needed to ask my question. I find myself doing the same thing today when I have to ask a big question or propose an idea at work or at home. Why do I do this? Whyyyyyyy? Mainly because of fear. I fear the horrible word of no. I fear the rejection of my ideas. I fear that someone whom I respect might think I’m a complete doof. When I was younger that fear caused me to miss out on a lot of opportunities, but in my older age, I am better at accepting a no and realizing that sometimes my ideas and other people’s ideas just don’t flow, but also, and the most important thing I think, I have realized through trial and error – and many a rejection – that there is almost always a compromise, with people who are willing to try anyway.
But back to that fear. David felt a fear in this chapter that reminded me of my own fears and apprehensions. Up until this point, David and God were pretty tight. They’d had a few squabbles, but they’d remained in close friendship because David loved God with all his heart, and God recognized that and respected it. But then, bam, God zapped Uzzah out of anger, and His knee-jerk reaction shocked the heck out of David. He was like, “What the hey, God??????” And at that moment, he probably thought to himself, “What is going on here? I don’t know what I can and cannot do now.” David was so shocked by God’s response that he abandoned bringing His house into his own community. David wanted nothing to do with his best friend. He needed a break. He drew some boundaries – WITH GOD! That’s huge, people. But it’s also encouraging and endearing, and it gets all the feelz because it’s a super-dee-duper example of how God welcomes, wants and sometimes aches for relationship with each of us. God does stuff we don’t understand ALL. THE. TIME. But in His doing these things, He also gives us the capacity and unending grace of being angry with Him about them. I mean, we can’t be angry forever, but I believe in my heart of hearts that when we do get angry with God and tell Him honestly, no holds barred about it, He listens, and we one day will understand the basis for His actions. He will grant us that understanding, especially when we ask for it. And with that understanding we will be granted a peace that surpasses all understanding, just like David’s. Wow. What a trip.
Writing prompt: peace
Write a letter to God about something that has made you angry or makes you angry now. If you’ve experienced resolution from a past anger, thank God for granting you the understanding and peace that came from that experience. If you have not, ask God to grant you a peace through understanding that surpasses all understanding today.